The following is something that I wrote a little over two years ago; it’s just my first time sharing it publicly. So, in reality, it’s old news. Though, as I post this, there are current implications that I will discuss at a later time (and a whole other reality that frames this messy situation). There is a lot of drama associated with this person, and to be honest, it was pretty hilarious to read how caught up I was in a situation that not only ended up being futile, but very slimy, deceptive, snaky…and just wrong. As I share more about this story, it may seem disjointed (the sequence), so you’ll need to work with me. This seemingly innocuous post sets the stage for the fuckery to come.
So, I think it has ended with a man with whom it should never have begun (awkward sentence, but I digress).
I “met” him online. He was one of the only guys who had the balls to respond my (intentionally bitchy, sarcastic and off-putting) profile. His message was thoughtful (taking into account the free “dating” site we were on). Instead of a simple “Hi” or “Hey beautiful” (which I explicitly warned in my profile would not garner a response, but again, I digress), he reached out to me with a very clever message. We hit it off and eventually exchanged phone numbers. Before we exchanged numbers, though, he felt compelled to be honest and tell me that he had recently been released after many years in federal prison. It should’ve (perhaps?) been a deal-breaker, but he was attractive & witty. And I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Plus, he served his time. Case closed.
He lives about 40 minutes from me, which isn’t ideal, but I really dug him. Plus, it felt good to wake up to “good morning” texts, etc. — after all, he was the first guy for whom I let my guard down since my last (debacle of a) relationship.
I will save the gritty details of our friendship with benefits for another post (or not). Suffice to say that I think it’s “over”. He was all wrong for me, but for the first time in months, I felt…protected/appreciated/admired. It felt good.
Our last interaction was harsh, and I said some not so nice things. I swore I’d never talk to him again, but I swallowed my pride and reached out to him. There’s been no response to my calls and texts for going on three days. Now, I’m sad. Or perhaps my pride is wounded.
I (think? I) am sure he’ll reach out to me in due time, but I’m impatient. So, I’m going to “block” his phone number for a while. my pride doesn’t want to know how long he will hold out. Or, if he will for good.
I caught feelings, and I hate it.